My RESTORE-ation story started at age 31 as I was just finishing 6 months of cancer treatment. Memories of sexual abuse began to surface and I officially joined the process. What I was remembering at that time was grooming and conditioning. After working hard through counseling and support groups to overcome the effects of sexual abuse and embrace mental, emotional, physical and relational health for 5 years I found myself starting over in life with 2 young children. Miraculously, a few years later I remarried and found that indeed I had come a long way in relational and emotional health. I was growing in my relationship with the Lord as well. I continued the journey with the attitude of “I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive!” I didn’t want to just have “a” life; I want an full life. John 10:10 became my motto; “life and life abundant” was my goal.
Eventually, I started a support group in my church, RESTORE~ation, as a recovery group for those sexually abused. I wanted to give back what I had learned and also provide a safe place for Christians to find support since in my experiences I had found that there is not much of that available in the church. Little did I know, the worst memories were still buried deep within my subconscious and would make their way to the surface just at the time I thought my life was at it’s best.
After 12 years of peace, I began to have flashbacks, nightmares and full on demonic attacks. Memories of SRA-type abuse surfaced and the full reality of what had been going on throughout my life began to emerge. I now had to learn how to deal with the unspeakable and experience a deeper grief and subsequent healing I didn’t know was possible. During the first 2 years of that I mostly dealt with severe PTSD attacks and most of my counseling was to deal with the PTSD.
2 years into that process, the PTSD was lessened and I began to deal with actual memories that were pressing. 4 years later, I am now in a position I’ve never been before. There are no more mysteries regarding my past. My memory is restored. It is open and bare before me. All of it. I have dealt with the devil – literally – and I have overcome.
Now I am in the process of being fully healed in every way so I can live as God intended for me all along: whole, complete and restored. As I heal, I blog. As I learn, I blog. I deeply desire to help others and by blogging my experiences and lessons learned, I pray anyone needing help will find it here.
RESTORE~ation is my story.
“I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you.
“You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
and praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.
You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel,
and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.” Joel 2:25-28